I NEED HUGS!

[Chaos Butterfly]

Today I told my Mum I'm in love with a girl. I just about threw up with nerves trying to. She's kinda ok but she's also somewhat in denial, she's trying to encourage me to go out with a boy I said I liked years ago (turned out he's not gay Go Figure!). Since I didn't actually declare I was totally gay ( I just know I adore this girl) and well I think there are too many bad associations my Mum has with the actual word.

And then she's asking me all those questions like "So have you always felt this way?"

And the thing is well hell I'm not really sure myself the only thing I know for sure is I'm totally in love with this girl.

It gets even more complicated as I met her overseas and so she doesn't even live anywhere near me but we've kept in constant contact since we met and well now it's become more serious. So we haven't really been able to do much about it yet but she's coming over to NZ late this year to visit me.

So even we don't know how it's going to turn out yet and Mum wants it all wrapped in a neat and tidy package which I just can't do. I couldn't even do it if it was a boy that lived miles away.

* sigh* I need hugs and encouragement and practical suggestions and a new stomach. [img]graemlins/gulp.gif[/img]

[Ersby]

*hugs*

congrats on coming out.

I'm a little low on the practical advice part, though.

[3peanuts]

It took me ages to come out. And it took my mother a lot of time to come out to herself like "the mother of a gay girl".

This is the point: it's hard to come out as gay, it's hard to come out as "parent of a gay person". Mostly it feels like failure.

I felt a failure when I told my mom and she asked "So, I'm not going to have grandchildren, am I?"
She felt a failure when she thought she had raised a creature who happened to be "less than perfect" according to her strict criteria.

It could be worse: try to figure what happened when my mom found out her son was gay too [img]biggrin.gif[/img]
It may seem silly, but sometimes I don't feel at ease with my bro being gay.

It just takes time and loving. Love for your mother, your mother's love for you, your love for yourself.

The rest - including the person you're fond of - is just background noise.

*huggles*

[JaceSan]

I was less than supportive when my brother first came out, but that's just because I wanted to give him a hard time. I'd figured out he was gay before he decided to tell our mom and some friends that were gathered for a 4th of July party.

I just acted like I was surprised. I started growing a goatee shortly afterwards. When my brother mentioned it I told him that he had made me question my masculinity, and that by growing a beard I was helping reestablish it. He thought I was serious.

"Really???"

"Naw, I'm just fucking with ya. I figured it out years ago, but figured it was your business and you'd talk about when you were ready."

Just remember that you are loved. *hugs*

[5Cats]

**hugs!**

Don't worry much about your Mum, she'll be OK in a little while. Most parents live in some form of denial anyhow, lol! Be of good cheer! The worst is over, now the fun (finding your true love & etc) can begin [img]smile.gif[/img]
As for your stomach, if you find a new one, can I have the intestines?

[crazy a]

*hugs*

Obviously there's gonna be questions and unsure feelings and whatnot. The only thing you can do is take it a day at a time and see what happens or doesn't happen with this girl and let your mom get used to the idea.

[Firebird98]

i take it this means we're not dating anymore, CB

[Lulu]

Oh Firebird, you poor thing...

You poor, broken hearted thing.
If only there were something I could do...
(jsut kidding- I'm hitched and so are youl!)

Chaos- don't worry. Your situation sounds like mine, and (btw) that's exactly how my own mom reacted.

She kept saying "If only you'd tell me you were gay.." But the fact is, i wasn't gay- and I hadn't 'always felt this way.' I just really, really, really liked this particular girl!

It seems the word you are probably looking for is 'Bisexual.' It's a decent term.

I used to balk at it, because I don't really feel 50/50 about the whole thing-(maybe 7-/30 or 60/40). But ultimately, i decided to use it- since I clearly do like both girls and guys.

My girlfriend, funnily enough, also got pissy with me. Like my mom, she kept asking "why can't you just declare yourself a lesbian and get it over with?" Well, the answer is- 'cus I'm not a lesbian. For some strange reason she kept thinking that meant I'd go back to a man eventually- and my mom did too.

My poor mother waited for years for me to "get over it." But the fact remained- I really, really, really liked this girl! And we're still together. And I'm still bisexual.
And now, my mom's accepted it.

So, I don't think you need to panic. If you aren't totally gay, that' s perfectly alright. You don't have to be. And you certainly aren't the only person to feel confused in this way. But again, you don't have to be- 'cus there's a third category.

*hugs*

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ January 05, 2006 08:46 PM: Message edited by: Lulu ]</font>

[3peanuts]

Well, not everybody decides to go to a Pride Parade the day after they have decided to come out [img]biggrin.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img] like *cough* me.

Relationship is something related to the personal sphere.

Labels have a social, political meaning.

You don't need to "pick a side" and make a political statement if you don't feel ready.

Not everybody decides to be a communist right after discovering political debates [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]biggrin.gif[/img] like *cough again* me [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Just don't make your gf feel like she's second best. It has happened to me sometimes and it really hurts.

[Lulu]

yeah, labels are mostly for the benefit of other people- so they can figure out what nice, neat, little box to stick you in.

What most important is that you stay true to yourself and treat your relationship with respect... even if other people refuse to do so.

And give your mom some time. I think it can be a tad confusing for moms- I mean, here's this daughter they think they know and have raised since she was a kid... and then she pulls the rug out! Don't worry- parents love you, no matter what they say... and eventually they come around.